I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
