I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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