I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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