I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
