batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
