Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
