I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT