Nicole vs. Life
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
