Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.

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  (314): Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem. http://tfl.nu/kucl
  Replies (29) Good night (2075) Bad night (589)
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  (805): View more from California

  do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?

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  (805): do you think they make care bear costumes for cats? http://tfl.nu/vj5d
  Replies (10) Good night (2491) Bad night (1005)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

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  (815): My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY. http://tfl.nu/imc8
  Replies (14) Good night (681) Bad night (3084)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

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  (541): we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people. http://tfl.nu/d8wc
  Replies (24) Good night (7308) Bad night (736)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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  (443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw
  Replies (11) Good night (5656) Bad night (1248)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.

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  (720): He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED. http://tfl.nu/xnx5
  Replies (8) Good night (3046) Bad night (1519)
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  (716): View more from New York

  whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete

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  (716): whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete http://tfl.nu/s3e3
  Replies (6) Good night (2748) Bad night (964)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....

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  (616): No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet.... http://tfl.nu/e90k
  Replies (3) Good night (1937) Bad night (1548)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"

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  (404): This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome" http://tfl.nu/7ky1
  Replies (5) Good night (2703) Bad night (547)
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  (530): View more from California

  My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"

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  (530): My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra" http://tfl.nu/4lmh
  Replies (8) Good night (3664) Bad night (417)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.

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  (423): What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face. http://tfl.nu/y7fo
  Replies (5) Good night (515) Bad night (345)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.

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  (708): There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/luzg
  Replies (12) Good night (1150) Bad night (386)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.

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  (336): I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it. http://tfl.nu/1f7k
  Replies (2) Good night (855) Bad night (238)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.

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  (860): Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers. http://tfl.nu/ep00
  Replies (7) Good night (381) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.

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  (505): I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that. http://tfl.nu/93tp
  Replies (3) Good night (561) Bad night (243)

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