I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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