just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.