is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
