Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.