What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.