Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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