And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
