I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
