And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize