After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize