Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
