it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
