i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
