with your own penis?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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