On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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