why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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