ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
