Life is so much better after having sex.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
