I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
