Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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