oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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