Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
