That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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