I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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