Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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