You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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