You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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