i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
