so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My feet surprised me
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