I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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