if i can run in heels then i can drive
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
