just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
