Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish there were birth control emojis
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize