I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
