I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Success! We fucked roommates!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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