I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
