I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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