so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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