I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
