I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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