Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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