I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..