Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'