I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize