Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
