a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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