Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
