HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
