i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
