Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
