so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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