anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
