As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
