nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
