i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
