I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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