It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i will never coherently bang her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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