too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
