I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
