Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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