I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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