yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
