How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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