I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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