She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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