how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
50% drunk capacity currently
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
