remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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