I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
