Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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